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things don’t seem to fit.

the weekend was pretty good. besides arriving home in the wee hours of the morning.

fcm is a game meant to be played anywhere, anytime! passing time at the balcony with a beautiful view of the river. with pretty cool people.

BUT. haha, isn’t there always? I’m not sure if anyone else does this or feels this way. Ever reach your block at a particular time but you spend hours just sitting under the block, thinking about everything and anything or even nothing? Time seems to pass fastest during this time. When everything you’ve been through, or want to go through starts to fill your head? I have this thing; where sitting under my block makes me feel calm. Just those moments spent with no one but myself and of course the undeniable train of endless thoughts.

I always tell myself, i love my family. Which of course I do, yet at the same time I seem torn between staying here and pursuing my dream of living overseas and using this opportunity to see the world,alone. Its been a wish soon to be fulfilled. Thats the only thing I want happening at this point of time.

I just need to get out, see the world, learn to live and make it on my own. Something you have to do for yourself, you know? Family’s always going to be there, true friends remain, undeserving ones disappear. Who’s complaining? There comes a point of time, where living for others just doesn’t make you happy anymore. I have to do something for myself, and this is it.

Its similar to how I like walking in to an empty home, the peace and solitude that awaits you after spending an entire day out with people. When you come home, with no one waiting up for you, no one checking in on you, the feeling’s indescribable. Thats what I want. Everything ends at your doorstep, when you enter, its just you. No one else to intrude your personal space. Don’t you just yearn for that feeling?

Everyone’s talking me into getting together with someone, think long term. Maybe its because they don’t feel the way I do, they don’t treasure solitude like I do. I can’t wake up to a morning message or some one greeting you in the morning.

It just isn’t me.


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