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After what seemed like forever, the three of us sat down for coffee last night. We talked and talked and talked, about the major men in our lives. HAHA, men. And I think thats when it dawned on us, that we no longer are who we once were. Forget smoking, forget drinking, forget mature mindset. I’m talking about something on a whole new level! HAHA. Damn, there was alot of SHIT IS THIS WHAT WE HAVE BECOME?!

So last night, memories of you were once again dug up. The both of them said I was picky! I’m not. I just want to see someone similar. In a crisp shirt, burms and a pair of loafers. If i wanted a replica, I would have said Springfield loafers, but one cannot be choosy. Anyway, that’s besides the point. So we talked about everything we did with our significant others. From fighting to all things indescribable. hehe. So as we sat and spoke, we each took turns to go silent, signs of reminiscing. And that was when it hit me. Again, its been awhile, hasn’t it? I have successfully managed to push you all the way to the back of my mind. So last night, as I made my way home, I thought. I actually gave myself the freedom, I allowed myself to think, to remember, what it felt like to have the perfect companion.

To remember a time, when life actually made sense, though it seemed to be falling apart. How at that point of time, fuckit was all I needed to hear from you, to forget it all. I remembered, the little things. Drunken chicken wings, nights at changi, my playground, your comb. All i could do was sigh.

It really blows, how such things are just memories now. Because there was a point when it was reality. To know that it is now far beyond my reach. I wish I had a video, one I could play over and over, whenever I missed you. Your smell, your cigarettes and alcohol combi that drove me insane. I wish I now had someone to talk politics with me. Someone who would show me that my thinking was wrong, but yet allow me carry on. Make known the mistake I was going to make, then allow me to do wrong, and hold me when I realized I screwed up.

Thats reminiscing for you. To make things a whole lot worse. This morning, one of the boys at work starts playing The Perishers.I mean, what are the bloody odds of that?! Maybe it’s a sign, maybe it’s time for us to talk once again. I really miss having someone who challenges my thinking and way of thought.So what do I do?

 I go down for a smoke, and in that deserted carpark loft at 8 in the morning, I yell and curse.

Because, maybe, just maybe, I am deceiving myself.


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