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Who am i?

Why turn to someone? Why talk to them, about how you feel, when you’re happy, when you’re down. Does it benefit you to share joy, does it ease your pain to share? To know that someone else knows?

Sharing, as simple as you make it out to be, just isn’t. I don’t even know why you do. Or even, I do it. Its just different, and you’ll never know, does sharing change opinions?

If I were to tell you, what haunts me late at night, how I find myself sleepless for reasons I can’t sort through, would you help? If so, how would you?

Would sharing ever make you feel better? Does the load really get lifted when you share? The crisis is still very much evident, isn’t it? So, how does sharing help?

Anyway! Change might be good, he was right. After speaking to you last night, I realized. How often can I avoid it, right? The change in culture might do me good, keep me on my feet. I won’t get used to one place, and not being used to one place, will stop me from feeling like I belong, it will stop me from forming bonds, friendships. Which wasn’t what I wanted when I went into this.

There’s a new boy at work. His name, your name. Its funny, he’s so young, he’s so different, yet just because the both of you share the same name, I find myself being pulled towards him. Its as if talking to him, would bring me closer to you, keep you near me. Which is ridiculous, I realize, saying it out loud. But somehow, I find myself standing next to his counter, making mindless conversation with him. Trying to tell myself, in some twisted way, that it wasn’t only the name you both share. Everytime they say his name, my heart skips a beat. And I can’t bring myself to.

I don’t know who I am without you,or if I like what I’ve become. And i’m so afraid of thinking, that maybe all I was, was because of you. Maybe without you, I am, not all that great.

I find myself dishing out advice I should be heeding. This girl, she asks me questions. Questions, I try my best to answer, and when i answer I realize i’m answering my own questions. How ironic.

She just brought up her ego, HAHAHAHAH this is insane. My ego drove you away. Wow, this is really getting to me. I hate having to hear people scream your name out loud.

And she found the right word, void.


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