Life and all thats left of it..

Hello hello(:

Its been a whillllllllllle.

Tonight, tonight I come bearing a heavy heart. However, a little good news to break the stride.

Ive finally tendered my resignation, after months of contemplation and weighing of pros and cons, i threw in the towel. I’m mighty proud of myself for making a decision of my own. I MADE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN!

So whats new? Nothing much actually.

The fact that im closer to being jobless has got me wondering if I should just drop it all, and go back to school? Maybe i should, maybe, i will.

Anyway, on to heavy heart matters.

Last night, while trying desperately to fall asleep on hard concrete floor-yes i like my bed soft,im pampered!, i got a really weird message which sent of nearly four hours of talking at 2 in the morning.I HATE HAVING TO PUT THE PHONE TO MY EAR!

“why? why do you think you fear? does the one human ability of being able to love unconditionally scare you that much?”

WAHHHHHH.

love unconditionally?

to that i replied, define unconditionally. because my unconditional loves comes hand in hand with eternity, does yours?

“yes it does, isnt eternity deserving of unconditional?”

“of course it is, but who is deserving of eternity?”

Then he calls.

Maybe I am, maybe he is.

No, you’re wrong, no one is deserving of eternity. No one can uphold the word. Therefore my dear friend, you are unworthy. Which brings me to my main point, love isn’t, either.

Everything is temporary, you cant promise forever, I don’t blame you, neither can I.

If you were to ask me, will you love me forever, in that split moment, i might feel like i could, but please dont hold it against me if i don’t. I really cant tell what might happen down the road, it isnt fair talking about forever.

So how is marriage going to work?

Why do you think Im staying away from it ALL. Havent you seen? Look around, everything seems to end in shambles, more quickly and alot more often in our generation. I don’t want to be another statistic. Im afraid of being the one breaks the promise of forever, even more so, im afraid of being the one who upholds forever, and having to pay the repercussions.

Thus, id rather be lonely.

Like i told you, and i tell anyone who asks;

loneliness is a small price to pay in comparison to heartbreak.

 

After all the loving and all that togetherness, what would break me would be cheating. lets face it, its hard not to cheat, and when you’re not married, its easier, you move on. but when you’re married, the whole ‘to have and to hold for as long as you both shall LIVE’?!

Lets not even go there.

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