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No longer a virgin!

Hi everyone! Excited by the title? So am I! Hahahaha!!!!

Okay, lets burst that dirty little bubble of yours. I am no longer a virgin of in-patient medical care!

Ooooops, awwwww, aren’t you bummed! Sorry!

Yes, finally, after 23 long years of waiting (yes, i am 23, move on!), I have finally done it. I became a patient at Changi General Hospital on January 27th 2010. What an experience. I have to say, all my life, well, as long CGH has been around, people have always been telling me how awful CGH is. Doctors who never come round with answers, nurses who simply couldn’t care less. Fortunately, my experience fell on the opposite end of the spectrum, thankfully. Doctors were funny, entertaining, very obliging. Nurses were kind and VERY helpful. My first experience of an overnight stay at a hospital 🙂 What an accomplishment!

What a nice way to start the new year, I actually mean it, despite everything that’s been going on. Blessing in disguise! Hehe.

Alright! Just wanted to jot this down, if I were to ever need a reminder.

Where is help when you most need it?

You begin to realize, at the end of the day, when you need something, there really isnt anyone/ anything out there to offer a helping hand, when one is needed. Badly.

These are just the few things you learn in life as you grow.

Many things are needed for success, and if you dont have successful/influential people around to offer help, you’ve really got nothing but your own hard work.

And when has that ever worked without a good word from someone else, or a contact you make use of?

Thats just the ugliness of the world around us. And just think, its only the beginning.

I raise my hands and scream, how does one not give up when faced with such situations?

I was hoping.

So what if it hurts me?

So what if i break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

My feet run out of ground

Ive got to find my place

Ive got to hear myself

I don’t care about all the pain in front of me,

I just want to be happy.

After all that talk, i realize its so hard to let go when youve got no other choice.

I hope you’re well, and i wish you the best. Because i never had the guts to make you happy.

After all this time, she’s loving you still.

soft spot

Old couples taking slow walks in the evenings, always make me queasy in a good way.

But heres the twist, he held her hand walking smiling, though just hours ago, he lay in bed with another woman. Here’s the unbelievable part, they both just turned sixty.

Don’t ask me why, thats how my mind works, not forgetting the world.

Happy Birthdayy!

Tooooo me! 23, didnt really think id last this long actually.

Brought in the birthday with nice old ryan. Thanks for awfully chocolate, made my day! What happened after that, Im still trying to figure. If only he’d tell me, who it was! Would make me feel alot better, unless of course its someone I dont want to hear about. Nonethelessss!

Twenty Threeee. Wonder whats next.

Time time time timeeeee, its going by extremely fast. Cant hold on tight enough.

Life and all thats left of it..

Hello hello(:

Its been a whillllllllllle.

Tonight, tonight I come bearing a heavy heart. However, a little good news to break the stride.

Ive finally tendered my resignation, after months of contemplation and weighing of pros and cons, i threw in the towel. I’m mighty proud of myself for making a decision of my own. I MADE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN!

So whats new? Nothing much actually.

The fact that im closer to being jobless has got me wondering if I should just drop it all, and go back to school? Maybe i should, maybe, i will.

Anyway, on to heavy heart matters.

Last night, while trying desperately to fall asleep on hard concrete floor-yes i like my bed soft,im pampered!, i got a really weird message which sent of nearly four hours of talking at 2 in the morning.I HATE HAVING TO PUT THE PHONE TO MY EAR!

“why? why do you think you fear? does the one human ability of being able to love unconditionally scare you that much?”

WAHHHHHH.

love unconditionally?

to that i replied, define unconditionally. because my unconditional loves comes hand in hand with eternity, does yours?

“yes it does, isnt eternity deserving of unconditional?”

“of course it is, but who is deserving of eternity?”

Then he calls.

Maybe I am, maybe he is.

No, you’re wrong, no one is deserving of eternity. No one can uphold the word. Therefore my dear friend, you are unworthy. Which brings me to my main point, love isn’t, either.

Everything is temporary, you cant promise forever, I don’t blame you, neither can I.

If you were to ask me, will you love me forever, in that split moment, i might feel like i could, but please dont hold it against me if i don’t. I really cant tell what might happen down the road, it isnt fair talking about forever.

So how is marriage going to work?

Why do you think Im staying away from it ALL. Havent you seen? Look around, everything seems to end in shambles, more quickly and alot more often in our generation. I don’t want to be another statistic. Im afraid of being the one breaks the promise of forever, even more so, im afraid of being the one who upholds forever, and having to pay the repercussions.

Thus, id rather be lonely.

Like i told you, and i tell anyone who asks;

loneliness is a small price to pay in comparison to heartbreak.

 

After all the loving and all that togetherness, what would break me would be cheating. lets face it, its hard not to cheat, and when you’re not married, its easier, you move on. but when you’re married, the whole ‘to have and to hold for as long as you both shall LIVE’?!

Lets not even go there.